Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
