I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I enjoy the company of your penis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
