He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
