Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
