i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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