I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
