The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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