The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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