every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
