Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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