Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
