He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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