Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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