im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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