i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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