People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
