I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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