my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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