He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
