Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
