I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
