She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't turn off my feet"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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