i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
