He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm getting married
To pizza
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
