from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize