Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
