i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize