I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
