I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
being pregnant is like rehab
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
