from now on my penis is your penis
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
