either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
