you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
