***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I love you.
Bad choice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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