I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
