chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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