Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
