Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
