The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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