Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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