It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
