TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
