i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
