what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
