so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
