i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
