We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
