Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
be right there i have to get my cape
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
