just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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