Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize