Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
