If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
