I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
