everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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