So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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