lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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