my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize