my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
