just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
