if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
