You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
