dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
