I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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