I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize