If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
