it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
