Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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