Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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