How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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